Why The Silence?

by Chance Wellnitz

Person One: Hey, how are you?

Person Two: Good. You?

Person One: Good. Thanks.

And that’s it.

How many times have you experienced this interaction? Likely many times, and often several times per day.

I bring up this interaction to illustrate silencing conversations on mental health is not always conscious and overt. After all, this is a perfectly pleasant and polite interaction.

But that’s precisely the problem. It’s polite because it’s pleasant.

The question “how are you?” is not often used to express a sincere curiosity about another’s well-being. Instead it’s a gesture, a verbal reflex. And it’s impolite to inconvenience your listener with something other than “good,” because we’ve somehow learned that’s neither preferred nor expected. We’re conditioned not to say how we really feel and conditioned not to listen to others.

There’s a time and a place for pleasant (though inconsequential) exchanges, but Stop Silence challenges you to probe deeper. If you suspect someone is going through something, ask a follow up question.

But how are you, really?

And if someone asks you this follow up question, let them know what’s really on your mind.